you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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