just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
