well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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