Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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