It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
