I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
