I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i need some magic done to my vagina
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
