She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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