Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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