Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
