I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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