So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just made my gag reflex go away.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
