I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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