i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
