i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
