This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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