At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
