Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
