That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
