i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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