its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
