I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
