I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize