How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
