just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
