our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
