And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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