What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
