How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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