We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dear god my vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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