You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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