dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just pee around me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
