I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
