A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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