I just saw a hot homeless man
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
