Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
