It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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