he was CRYING into my vagina
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
