So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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