We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
