So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
