spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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