just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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