Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
