No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
