GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
