I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
