so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
