After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
