Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
