Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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