Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
