Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
